What am I going to do?

I cried today...

Yes. It's been a long time since I really cried, but today I had to. I don't know what to do. It seems like I am going to have a baby and that't the reason i have been feeling weird recently. Somehow I forgot to take the pill and now I don't know how to face John with the news.

You see? John thinks that two kids is enough. His experiences with children, with his wife leaving him and all, have not been that great, and he thinks that he is too old to be having children now. "One of these days," he says "I'm going to be a grandpa. This is not time to be raising a baby!"

I can see his point, but I have never been married before and I have always dreamed that I would be a mom. Oh, I'm going to start crying again! I bought a Home Pregnancy Kit, which is the best and most accurate test and it yielded positive.

Anyway, I tried to bring the subject up by mentioning my cousin Martha, who is pregnant with her fourth child and John said that... Anyway. I don't want to remember. This is bad...

This is really bad.

What can I do? How can I tell him? It is not like I'll be able to do this alone without him noticing... Soon he will begin to see the signs, and if I have not told him yet, he will be furious. I have to tell him, but I'm afraid he will reject me when I do, and at this sensitive time, I don't know if I'd be able to withstand his rejection.

Oh, my... I wish I were crying because he called me fat...